Troika to Offend
I remember
when I offended someone, well, maybe a lot of people. It was Thanksgiving of
2010—my first Thanksgiving with my family after five years of being in the
army. As usual, my Christianized family said a prayer blessing the food and
giving thanks. Looking back, I realize I may have been slightly offended that
there was no thanks or acknowledgement to soldiers across the world not able to
be with their families. The prayer ended, the family said amen, and I broke out
into the beginning of the Muslim prayer just as prideful as an Imam might.
“Allah
Akbar, Allahhhhhhhhh!”
My sisters
found it hilarious and started laughing, but the rest of my family seemed to
find it offensive and gave me death glares. I don’t think I fully ruined
Thanksgiving with that antic, but my frequent flask swigs might’ve done it.
What is said:
Dear heavenly father,
We want to thank you for this time with family
And bringing us together to give thanks for all
You have provided. We thank you for sending
Your only son to die for our sins.
In Jesus’s name we pray
Amen
What I hear:
Dear god,
Thanks for food
Thanks for family
Thanks for dying and stuff
Allah Akbar!
I’m swiggin’ on a flask.
Hey Zeus, you’re part of God
Kinda like the mole on Uncle Tod
I don’t understand how I can burn in hell
For not choosing the right belief, oh well.
I’ll just be a good person, and try not to offend.
But I’ve got a whiskey filled flask to attend.
A priest, a rabbi, and imam all know your name.
Three different religions, God is the same.
Damned if you aren’t, damned if you are
Mother fuckin’ Allah Akbar!