Opening Eyes under
Hot Water
Katy looked up from the dishes she
was scrubbing when she heard a key slide in and unlock the front door. Fear,
anxiety, and anger overcame her on the inside, but outside she had to keep
calm. The door unlocked. Wayne, her boyfriend, walked into the apartment. He
had worked an eight hour shift typing instructions to computer users who needed
technical support, but Wayne was great at multi-tasking, so he was also able to
brush up on his Spanish, practice his programming, and beat the computer a few
times in chess, all of which were self-taught. Katy worked nights at a bar and
grill a few miles from their apartment. The oven timer sounded, and she hurried
to take the chicken and rice out and serve a plate of food with a beer for her
boyfriend.
“Is this all you made? I’m
starving.” Wayne picked up the beer and plate, sat on the couch, and turned the
television on. Katy knew she had to lighten his mood, but didn’t want to
trigger one of his mood swings.
“I’m sorry babe, I forgot to go to
the store today, but I’ll make your favorite breakfast in the morning.”
“What the hell have you been doing
all day?” He asked.
“I’ve got to get ready for
work.”
“Are you going to slut
yourself around for the drunks tonight?”
“I don’t slut myself around!”
“That’s how I got you.” Wayne
said before taking a drink.
As Katy
showered, she studied the bruises on her arms, ribs, and legs. He always told
her how good he was at being able to hurt her without people being able to notice.
What she didn’t realize was how people could tell she was a battered woman even
without seeing bruises. The way she winced at loud noises or the way she would
become silent and timid when a man would come around. Her friends were never
allowed to see her unless Wayne was there. Her whole life was controlled by him
and as she stepped in the shower she wondered how she had become so
disconnected with her family. The shower was the only place she was able to
escape for a while when he was home. She would turn the hot water all the way
off and made herself stand in the cold water. She would watch as the water made
a tiny whirlpool at the drain, and began to cry as she wished she could be
swallowed by it. The toilet flushed; she didn’t realize Wayne had snuck into
the bathroom. The shower curtain opened and Wayne had a smile on his face. Katy
had seen this smile before, and tried to be sexy and invite him in.
“Need a
little help getting through your shift?”
“No, Wayne, please.”
“Shut up, it’s just a little
bit.”
“I don’t want to fucking stay
up for a week!”
As she
finished her sentence, Wayne’s giant hand grasped the back of her neck and he
forced her to the bottom of the tub. She had quit crying at this point, and was
trying to focus only on the freezing water. Wayne pulled a syringe from his
pocket and started laughing. “Say aah!” She didn’t. He slapped her ribs as she
curled into a ball.
“Are you
ignoring me?”
Grabbing
her by the throat he pinned her up against the shower wall and forced her mouth
open. He started laughing as he squirted it in her mouth. He tried to grab her
tongue and force her to swallow. This had been going on for months, but she was
just happy with him not hitting her too much. He then sat on the toilet and
fixed his own needle and shot it into his right arm. She lay there thinking she
had a gentle twenty to thirty minutes before hers kicked in, he would feel it
in about twenty seconds. Before he left the bathroom he turned the cold water
off and the hot water on. “You need a fucking boob job.” Wayne said, as he
turned off the lights.
Crystal
starts with the rush. The rush lasts for about five minutes, but the overall
effect will keep her awake for twelve hours. She first smoked it when she was
sixteen. Her father had left a year before and her mother worked three jobs, so
her supervision had dwindled to nothing. Her life had gone from being
overly-supervised to none at all. Her friend, Summer, asked her to go to a
party. They usually spent the weekend at her house talking about boys or what
teacher they thought was attractive. “Brock is going to be there.” Summer
insisted.
Most of her high school friends and
class were there. Her crush, Brock, brought her a beer when he saw her and
Summer. They chatted for a bit until he asked if they wanted to go to the real
party, which was in the shed in the back. Katy was content with where she was,
but she wanted Brock to see she was cool. The windows had tinfoil over them,
the door had five different locks, and everyone gave her and Summer a weird
look as they sat down. There were three guys, her and Summer, and three other
girls. Eminem was playing in the background. She watched as Brock broke a small
piece of a white crystal and put it in a glass pipe and started heating it up
and twirling it around. She watched as the smoke built up and hovered inside
the glass bowl of the pipe. Brock handed her the piece and told her to inhale.
Eight seconds later, the rush hit her and she exclaimed, “this is the best
thing ever!”
Brock raced motocross at the local
races and drove a black 72 Chevy pickup. She didn’t have a car, so she began to
take her lunch with him during school. They would drive the backroads of
western Oklahoma and smoke crystal. At first, it was only once every other
week, and then weekly. Then she realized she hadn’t gone home in three days.
She made it to school, and would go to soccer practice, but she would always go
back to the house to party. But then she started shooting it straight into her
veins, making the high stronger and last much longer. She never thought she was
addicted because she could go a week or two without crystal. Then she would
binge for five days and crash for another three. One night at 4 AM, she began
crying and screaming at the mirror as she was putting on makeup and convincing
herself that she was pretty. She started hearing people through the vents in
the ceiling talking about her, and she duct taped pillows and sheets over them
so they couldn’t hear her. That is when she knew she had to get clean. She had
been using for two years, and was clean for another two when she met Wayne.
Katy
climbed out of the shower as the meth started to run through her. She thought
seriously about calling out of work, but she didn’t want to stay at home with
Wayne. He had been using on and off for the better part of five years, and
would get extremely paranoid when he was coming down. These were the times he
would get violent with her. He once had locked her in the bedroom closet for
three hours because he thought she was going to call the cops. He had gotten on
top of her, slapped her in the face, ribs, and thighs a few times, and told her
he was going to cave her face in if she told anyone. The truth is that she
wanted to call the cops. She wanted to tell someone, but she was terrified. Not
only what he would do to her, but what he would do to her friends or family,
even if they had made her an outcast. It was easy to fall for him though, he
was tall, muscular, and extremely smart and talented, but what he hid
underneath came out so quickly that she felt trapped.
Katy
hurried to get into her work uniform and made her way to the front door. Wayne
was blasting a Motion City Soundtrack song, and was strumming on his guitar,
another talent he had taught himself. As she got to her car, she heard
footsteps coming behind her, followed by a hand on her shoulder. He spun her
around and told her he loved her and they kissed.
“Don’t go
falling for some jackass at the bar.” He said, smiling.
She was
wide eyed the whole way to work, and just as Wayne did, she was playing Motion
City Soundtrack as she drove. She was overtaken by the drug and ready to
socialize with her coworkers and the regulars that always requested her. She
arrived and clocked in right on time.
“Not a
minute early, and never a minute late.” He said.
“I know!
I’m like the perfect employee!”
“You’ve got
section five tonight. Let me know if it gets too busy.”
“Oh, I’ll
be able to hand it.” She said, tying on her server’s apron.
The night
was going very well and the vibe in the bar was even better. A couple of her
regulars were there and they always tipped well. One of her tables was a
younger couple who were traveling across the country. They were only there for
a couple of hours and left her a hundred dollar bill for a tip. The bar began
to fill up, as it was karaoke night, which started at nine. The regulars all
signed up first so the first several songs seemed to just be a playlist from
the previous Friday night. And then she heard a very familiar song from a very familiar
voice. It was Semi-Charmed Life by Third Eye Blind. Everything turned red for
Katy. Wayne had showed up and she knew why. This was a reoccurring thing, but
only about every other week. So, it came as a shock to her, because he had been
there last week to “watch her.”
“I’m just
making sure none of these assholes try anything with you.”
“What makes
you think I would do anything with them?”
“I know you
like to slut around.”
This
conversation would happen after every night he came to watch her. He would sit
alone at a table outside of her section and drink whiskey all night. Katy
wanted to call him an asshole and tell him to move his stuff out of her
apartment, but knew it would do nothing more than make him angry, which she
would pay for when she got home. So she just took it, and tried to laugh it
off.
“You know I’m joking baby, I just
got bored at home.” He would tell her.
Wayne being there distracted her.
Her manager, Mark, could notice. Mark had a run-in with him previously and
ended up kicking Wayne out for the night. Wayne had gotten mad that Katy was
laughing with one of her tables and became jealous and told the guy to “quit
trying to fuck my girlfriend.”
“Katy, I need you to focus tonight.
If he is distracting you then he needs to leave.” Mark said.
“I know… he’ll be fine, I promise.”
Katy replied, trying to convince not only Mark, but her as well.
Most of the night he was fine, a
little loud, but most people are when they’re drunk. Then he began to think she
was ignoring him, and wanted to make her jealous. So he decided to go talk to a
table of girls. He knew this would bother Katy, but she had to ignore it for
the sake of her job. Plus, she was making good money that night and had to stay
focused. Her being able to push through the jealously only made Wayne more
upset. He had been drinking whiskey all night, and the meth had changed him
into the person Katy was afraid of. He was making his way around the bar, only
talking to females, until one of them asked him to leave them alone, which he
didn’t. Finally, Mark had to intervene, and once again told him he had to
leave. Katy had successfully distracted herself and didn’t notice the
confrontation. She did, however, get ripped by her manager about the urinal
that was torn off the wall in the men’s room. This was caused by Wayne. The
rest of the night was long and exhausting, but it ended too early, because now
she had to go home. “He’s going to pay
for that, you know?” Mark said as she clocked out.
Katy sat in silence when she made
it to her apartment. Her radio was off, her car was off, but her mind was
racing. Maybe if she tried to have sex with him he wouldn’t get as violent with
her. She took a deep breath and walked to her prison. She could hear music
playing from outside. But as she slid her key in, that was the only sound she
could hear. The key sliding into the lock made her cringe because it’s such a
distinct sound and it usually led to Wayne.
The minute she shut the door, he
came from the back room.
“You’re ten minutes late. Where
have you been?” He asked.
“Had to stay late to help clean up
the busted urinal someone left.”
“Sure you weren’t fucking your
manager?”
“No, Wayne! Funny you accuse me of
that when you were flirting with every girl there!” She knew he wouldn’t take
this accusation well, but it just slipped out.
“Are you calling me a cheater?” He
raced toward her and grabbed her by the shoulders and started shaking her. “I’m
not a fucking cheater, bitch!”
“Wayne, stop, let’s go get in bed.”
“You just fucked your manager, now
you’re trying to fuck me?” He threw her to the ground, “take a shower first,
slut.”
Katy ran to the bathroom, closed
the door and locked it. She knew it couldn’t keep him out, but she needed some
privacy for as little as it might last. She stripped her clothes off and stared
at the person in the mirror. She cringed as she lifted her arms to look at the
bruises on her ribs. She looked at her breasts and wished they were bigger. She
wished she would’ve paid more attention to him while she was at work. She spit
on the mirror, stepped into the tub, and turned the hot water all the way on.
She let the tub fill with scalding water as she stood under the shower head
spilling on her. The doorknob wobbled, followed by a hard knock.
“Just let me shower!” Katy pleaded.
The door busted open with Wayne’s
foot hitting next to the doorknob.
“You’re done in here.” He said,
yanking the shower curtain off.
“Let me wash my hair and I’ll be
out, I swear.”
“Oh, you need some shampoo?” He
grabbed the shampoo bottle and started dumping it all on her head and rubbing
it in her hair and face.
“Fuck you, Wayne!” She tried to
push him away, but he barely moved. She pulled the shower head off and sprayed
him with the hot water. Without processing anything she was doing, she had
balled her fist and punched him in the nose. He looked at the blood and punched
her in the right eye and she fell in the overflowing tub.
“You want me to bleed for you?” He
asked while pulling out his pocketknife.
He made a cut across his right
palm. “Here I am! Bleeding for you!” He started slinging the blood from his
hand. Blood was on her face, hair, and starting to turn the water red. He
grabbed her by the back of the neck with his bloody hand and forced her under
water. Wayne grabbed one of her nipples and twisted, which made her scream
bubbles. Her involuntary muscles tried to take a breath and she swallowed a
mouthful of water. He pulled Katy from the water and looked at her. The eye he
punched had swollen shut. Grabbing her throat he told her she was worthless
without him and to tell people she tripped and fell onto the coffee table
corner. He slapped her breasts several times before he shoved her under water
again. This time she didn’t scream. She was able to stay calm and hold her
breath. Even though his bloody hand was going places that were uncomfortable.
Then, just as abruptly as he came into the bathroom, he let go and stood up.
“I’m going out; maybe I’ll go fuck
someone with a nice body… This place better be cleaned up by the time I get home.”
As he
left, she sunk into the bloody water. She opened the eye that wasn’t swollen
and saw the reddish brown. She held her breath for as long as she could, all
while she stared at the murky water. Katy stayed in the tub until the water
turned cold. She knew she had to leave, but she didn’t know where to go. Things
were getting worse and Wayne was getting more violent and strung out. He had
been tweaking for two weeks straight and his mind wasn’t in the right place.
Could she call the cops? What would they do? A protective order wasn’t going to
keep him away. It was just a piece of paper. She had to take things into her own
hands.
Katy raised from the tub a stronger
person. She had decided to take control of her life. She accepted the willpower
that seemed to be running on empty, but there was no other way. She cleaned up
the bathroom and started mixing cookie batter. She laughed at the thought of
making cookies at 4 AM, and laughed harder as she crushed up several Ambien
into the batter. She lost track of how much after sixty milligrams. The oven
timer went off as Wayne slid the key into the front door. Katy saw the red
again. As he entered, she ran to him and started crying.
“I’m sorry
baby. I didn’t mean to make you mad. Please don’t ever leave me.” She threw
herself into his big arms and chest.
“I’m sorry
too; you just have to try to not make me angry.”
“I know. I
will try as hard as I can. I made you cookies.” She said.
“You’re too
good for me.” He said while running a finger over her black eye and gave it a
kiss. He opened a beer with the first cookie, and then he ate another and two
more. She tried to distract him to allow enough time for the Ambien to kick in,
but he had other things in mind.
“Let’s go make up, baby.” Wayne
said picking her up and taking her to the bedroom.
As she lay there with him
penetrating her, she focused on the hot red water she was underneath earlier.
She felt nothing.
The Ambien started to work and
Wayne could tell he had been drugged. Katy was hoping he ate enough as he tried
to climb off her, he cursed as he fell back down on top of her. She was able to
wriggle from under him after he finally passed out. It seemed the drugs had
worked. So she went to work. She started gathering every cable and cord from
her apartment. She took the television cable, the computer cord, cellphone
charging cables, and even cut the cable from the vacuum cleaner to make sure
she had enough. She wrapped the cords around his arms, legs, head, and throat,
tying him to the bed. She tied cables together and wrapped them around his hips
and thighs. She used every cable and even straightened out wire hangers and
twisted them to his legs and arms. She took every shoelace she could find to
help tie him down. She left one cable free, though. After she tied him down,
she had to wait for him to wake up.
She paced the apartment for hours
until she started to see the sun come up. She needed to wake him, but didn’t
know how. She tried slapping him, but it did nothing. She pinched him, but
again, nothing. She went through the pockets of his jeans on the floor and
found an eight-ball of meth in one. She put it in her pocket for later.
Finally, she got a wet wash cloth and a big cup of water. She put the cloth
over his mouth and nose and began to pour a little water on it… nothing. Katy
poured more, but Wayne didn’t even move. She began to worry he was overdosed on
the Ambien. She poured the last bit of water and he finally woke up coughing.
The cables held.
“What the fuck?” Wayne yelled and
yanked. Katy grabbed the free cable and dragged it over his naked body, up his
chest and across his face.
“I’m going to fucking kill you.” He
said through the cable she lashed across his mouth.
“No, I’m going to fucking kill
you.” She lashed him across the cheek and again on his stomach.
The rush she felt watching him
wince and cry out was freeing. She finally had the control over him that she
wanted, and it lifted her up.
“People are going to look for me.”
“No they won’t, no one cares about
you.” She lashed him again, this time on the thighs.
She left the room and came back
with two syringes, a spoon, lighter, and water. He knew what she had in store.
Katy had known when she under the hot red water. She melted the crystal down in
the spoon with some water and filled the syringes. Wayne tried to buck and kick
out, but she had been successful tying him with the cables. The bed was
bouncing, but they lived on the first floor so she didn’t have to worry about
downstairs neighbors.
“Katy, don’t do this. It won’t work
and you’ll just get hurt again.” Wayne pleaded.
“You know what; I don’t want to
hear you speak.” She said while sticking his dirty boxers in his mouth.
Katy climbed on top of him with the
syringes and stuck the first one in his right arm and the second one in his
left. Even with him kicking and shaking, he couldn’t avoid being stuck with the
needles. She pushed the plungers at the same time. His pupils dilated, and his
rush began. The rush strengthened his kicking and bucking and he broke through
the cables. He grabbed her by the throat and threw her off him. She crashed
into his guitars and computer, and a mirror crashed to the floor next to her.
She rose to her feet. Stepping on glass she tried to make a run for the door.
Wayne was ripping the cables off his arms and lashed at her as she ran out of
the bedroom and to the front door. He got there right behind her and stopped
the door with his foot and an arm. With his other arm he put her in a chokehold
and fell on his back with her. He started convulsing and coughing up vomit. His
grip was still strong on her, but she pried out, and watched him die.
Four months later in Oklahoma
County jail, Katy gets a visit from her attorney.
“It’s a shame you had to kill him.
We have new evidence that links his DNA to the rape of five other girls.”
“It was self-defense.”
“It was premeditated, so they’re
arguing murder.”
“It was premeditated self-defense.”
Katy corrected her.
“We could’ve put him away for
twenty years.”
“Well, I put him away for life.”
The
attorney shared a smile with Katy. They both knew she wasn’t going to serve her
entire ten years, but the process was just beginning.
“You’re
really starting to show, when are you due?”
“In about
five months.”
