I Should’ve Caged Her

And she knew that day I

wasn’t coming home for some time

longer than she was used to,

but she smiled and kissed

my face and I said, “I

love you.”

She knew how to occupy herself, even if it was just her thoughts, or sleeping, or

talking with her friends across the apartment hall.

But I had gotten busy, I

had to work longer, I

should’ve gone home, I

could’ve             I didn’t.

I could tell something was wrong when I

Opened the door.       Her tail wasn’t wagging

As I walked down the white walled hall, I—

Realized I didn’t close the bathroom door, where

A rat trap—poisoned—was empty.

How could I have forgotten to close the door?

Did I forget to close the door?

How could I have forgotten to close the door?

I should’ve caged her, I

Would’ve closed the door, but I

Had to get her to the vet…

“If she makes it through the night, we’ll know if she’ll make it.”

Cries all night, in my ear, whimpers and paws digging into my arms,

She wouldn’t drink water, she

Only yelped

She wouldn’t look at me, she

Stared at the wall          through the wall

She died in my arms.

The poison blocked her vitamin K cycle, it

Induced internal bleeding

And she took her last hurtful

Gasping

Dying

Death rattle breath

In my arms. I’m sorry.

I wish I would’ve closed the door.

The beginning of a collection of letters to Marv.

Dear Marv,

            I’m writing from Cabanatuan City, which is in the Philippines. We were told there were a lot of women here, but the only ones with vaginas are strapped to nearly retired officers and their lap dog Humvee drivers. There’s a nice little bizarre at the end of the block where homemade bows and arrows, boiled duckling eggs, massages, and all you can drink brandy can be found. The Filipino SF unit has a band, and though they can hardly speak English, they sing the shit out of some American rock songs… a girl that sells me Pepsi every day does a wonderful cover of Zombie by the Cranberries.

            To see the sunrises, you have to walk up one of the hills surrounding the town. It’s only a few mile hike, but the trek back in at night makes it very dangerous to see the sunsets. I miss the Oklahoman sunsets—remember when we shot whiskey until 4:32 am, laughing about the Iraqi boy I hired to paint the battalion offices so we wouldn’t have to do it? First sergeant got fucking pissed when he saw us at the M.W.R playing ping pong!

                                                I think he was more pissed when he had to come pick us up at the mildewed motel of some secret town… cheap trick hookers thinking they’d be the bait we’d try to bite that night.

                                                That was the best sunset of my life. A sunset is like a lightning flash, it’s so beautiful and powerful; but it’s so short and abrupt and leaves us wanting to reminisce the flash of life… the flash…

            I can’t help but remember feeling your body on me when I saw the flash.

 Dust. Ringing in my ears.

The smell of burning pennies filling my nose.

The oxblood crimson red on your grayed and dusty uniform.

You shaking and crying because you were trying not to cry.

            “Josh” you whimpered.

            “I always hated you the most.” You died smiling at me.

I love you too, brother.

abecedarian of faceless heroes

The project here was to create a poem (I chose the abecedarian form) using a dictionary of words. In this case, I chose the dictionary of Shakespearean words. I wrote this in no time at all, and I am pleased with this first draft. Thanks for looking! 

Abate the populace into the abhorring swamps of hopelessness. The

Benevolence of my mind has shifted into the dark spaces of demise.

Caitiff corpses fill the streets with a stench that maggots feast on. I let the

Devil wear black and see the defeature faces of fallen foes, hollowed eyes

Erroneous, yet wise, still wicked. Even the doves have turned into crows for

Facinerious feasts, like the maggots on the rotting bodies in the sewered streets.

God, not man, created war: anti-intelligent design: tanks, bombs, bullets, blood.

Haggish history of following orders—for honor: humanely win hearts and minds.

Ill-composed of hate and misconceptions: I never thought I could love my enemy.

Jaded men with black eyes, jaundiced and longing for silence with ringing ears—

Keel me, oh God. I am hot with fear and hate. I shake and sweat when I sleep.

Labour your lewd-tongued devils from my dreams and whip them to sweep the streets.

Maimed—mutilated—nightmares of tear-filled eyes with crosshairs. The

Nativity of warriors from generation Kill—we filled the streets. We didn’t

Object to drones that are now the Dovecrows feeding the maggot larvae.

Pontifical ribbons and decorations, we became our own gods. We

Quaff, only to sweat at night, only to be frightened by a transformer blowing—

Ravenous rage tries to stomp the innocence. I forget I’m not in Iraq anymore.

Soon-speeding with my rifle at the ready. Was I the sacrifice or am I now

Thrice-repured and clean? No longer stained with repressed eyeless memories

Umbered in the dark unattainted thoughts other soldiers still battle which my

Vow-fellows may never win. Twenty-two veterans a day commit suicide. It is

Web and the pin—disease of the eye—waging its own war of

Xeroxed honorable discharges, then tossed to the larvae and the

Yoke-devils become presidents and senators and vote for war. My brothers, feel the

Zephyr of hope. We are not alone. We are not helpless.

abate (v.)         1          lessen, lower, diminish

abate (v.)         2          shorten, lessen, reduce

abate (v.)         3          deprive, strip, dispossess

abate (v.)         4          blunt, put an end to

abate (v.)         5          set aside, except, bar

abhorring (n.)  1          abhorrence, disgust, loathing

abhorring (n.)  2          object of disgust, something to be loathed

benevolence (n.)                     forced loan, imposed contribution

caitiff (adj.)                wretched, miserable, worthless

caitiff (n.)                   [sympathetic or contemptuous] miserable wretch, wretched creature

devil wear black, let the                     to hell with mourning!

defeature (n.)              disfigurement, defacement, loss of beauty

erroneous (adj.)           1          misguided, mistaken, deluded

erroneous (adj.)           2          criminal, wicked, evil

facinerious (adj.)                    extremely wicked, villainous, criminal

haggish (adj.)             like a hag, ugly, repulsive

humanely (adv.)                     out of fellow feeling, as fellow human beings

ill-composed (adj.)                 made up of wicked elements

jaded (adj.)                 low-bred, ignoble, contemptible

jaundice (n.)               sallowness, yellowness [as a sign of envy or jealousy]

keel (v.)                      cool

lewd-tongued (adj.)               foul-mouthed, scurrilous, abusive

maimed (adj.)             incomplete, deficient, wanting

nativity (n.)     1          birth

nativity (n.)     2          conjunction of stars at birth, horoscope

nativity (n.)     3          country of birth

pontifical (adj.)                      worn by a pope, episcopal

quaff (v.)                    drink down, take a long draught of

quaff off (v.)              drain a cup in a long draught

ravenous (adj.)                       rapacious, predatory, insatiable

soon-speeding (adj.)               quick-acting, rapidly working

thrice-repured (adj.)               highly purified, extremely refined

umbered (adj.)            shadowed, shadowy

unattainted (adj.)                    dispassionate, detached, unprejudiced

vow-fellow (n.)                      person bound by the same vow

web and the pin, pin and web            disease of the eye, cataract

yoke-devil (n.)            companion-devil, asssociate in evil

zephyr (n.)                  mild breeze, gentle wind [especially from the west]

This isn’t Vegas, this is Fallout

I played Blackjack once with a blind man.
He didn’t know what he wanted to love
Or deserve to get.
He did know when to hit
When to stay
He knew when to cross the line.
 We took a journey across his teeth together—
A duet which showed the ugliness of being alone
Being solo
He took my hand and made me stay
 When all I wanted to do was call—And 

bust.

Troika to Offend

A troika is a three form type of poem. Take an experience and write a short prose page about it, then write one rhymed poem and one that does not rhyme. Some like to mix the order to provide a different substance to it. Enjoy.

Troika to Offend

            I remember when I offended someone, well, maybe a lot of people. It was Thanksgiving of 2010—my first Thanksgiving with my family after five years of being in the army. As usual, my Christianized family said a prayer blessing the food and giving thanks. Looking back, I realize I may have been slightly offended that there was no thanks or acknowledgement to soldiers across the world not able to be with their families. The prayer ended, the family said amen, and I broke out into the beginning of the Muslim prayer just as prideful as an Imam might.

            “Allah Akbar, Allahhhhhhhhh!”

            My sisters found it hilarious and started laughing, but the rest of my family seemed to find it offensive and gave me death glares. I don’t think I fully ruined Thanksgiving with that antic, but my frequent flask swigs might’ve done it.

What is said:

Dear heavenly father,

We want to thank you for this time with family

And bringing us together to give thanks for all

You have provided. We thank you for sending

Your only son to die for our sins.

In Jesus’s name we pray

Amen

What I hear:

Dear god,

Thanks for food

Thanks for family

Thanks for dying and stuff

Allah Akbar!

I’m swiggin’ on a flask.

Hey Zeus, you’re part of God

Kinda like the mole on Uncle Tod

I don’t understand how I can burn in hell

For not choosing the right belief, oh well.

I’ll just be a good person, and try not to offend.

But I’ve got a whiskey filled flask to attend.

A priest, a rabbi, and imam all know your name.

Three different religions, God is the same.

Damned if you aren’t, damned if you are

Mother fuckin’ Allah Akbar!

LeeAnn Allan collaboration

This was written by myself and another poet that will rename nameless at this time. We wrote it in ten minutes and was selected to be published by Four Chambers magazine. 

Tuesday at 7:00

A beam of streetlight creases through the cracked curtains of an hourly hotel

Lighting half of her face as she slides off her rings

Seeing headlights in the parking lot

The clerk puts the key on the desk without looking up

She hears the metal clicks as the lock begins to turn

And loosens the straps of her sundress.

Before words are spoken

A light particle travels between the eyes of two lovers.

She runs her hand over the do not disturb sign

It’s torn and tattered and used—like her

He checks his watch as she clutches the cross on her neck

The stained sheets don’t bother them.

Their silenced cellphones don’t either.

She watches the way his body moves with hers

He watches their reflection on the black television screen

She hears a baby crying next door and imagines a life she’ll never have.

He hears a football game in the other room and hopes his team is winning.

Almanac

A response to Gary Snyder’s August on Sourdough, A Visit from Dick Brewer

Almanac

You left to find the red red trees

                                    in that golden state

After you promised we’d see the castles

            on the green Ire cliffs

                        I watched you cry and slide into

the crashing waves

                                    —then you smiled as you began to drown—

            But I was the one who died

When I saw you dancing on my footsteps