Scissored stress surrounds and screams,
As I steady and deepen my breathing.
Chaos changed to carcinogens. I
Count to three.
As the water rises to my chest, I—
Take a final breath and go under.
Here I am— solace. Lost,
Immersed, and close-eyed. I am tranquil.
Anxiety and angst are angry as
I ignore them and curl to a ball.
My thoughts are empty and I—
Accept that death could find me here.
I feel the water pressing on my ears
And listen to it moving around me
It is all I hear.
Holding my breath under water
I find myself.
My heartbeat has slowed and wants to stop.
I stay curled in my ball.
The air in my lungs keeps me
Floating.
I swim to the bottom
I release air and watch the bubbles disappear at the surface.
I wish I could disappear with them
But holding my breath, under this water
Is as close to vanishing I can get.
Down here I only have to worry about not breathing
When I think I need air I force myself to stay under
Eventually I have to come up and I become sad
As the noise of life begins again, I take another deep breath and
Slowly descend.
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